Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A Hissy Fit

Well, today kicks of a brand new month. Normally I look forward to the newness of this change. It's a chance to forget everything that went wrong the month prior. It's a chance to refresh, recommit and refocus my goals. It's a chance to celebrate the blessings that came down and the memories that we made. However, this month I find myself quite pessimistic about the newness of the season.

It has been more than seven months since I have had consistent rest in my household. It has been seven months since I have had a healthy child. It has been seven months of doctor's visits, antibiotics, shots and hospitals. It has been seven months of sheer exhaustion, complete frustration and at moments near insanity.

I am thankful for the family and friends who have offered kind words and wonderful advice. I am thankful for those who have made me laugh, reminded me to stay calm, and who have let Eric and I catch up on rest during the weekend. I am thankful for our parents who have taken off work and traveled to Bowling Green to watch Eli when his fever was too high to go daycare. I am thankful that with each one of those visits our parents have gone above and beyond by helping me cook, helping me clean and helping me do our laundry. I am thankful that despite this illness an ear infection is nothing major.

None of that changes the fact that I am exhausted, frustrated and quite frankly near depression. All of these emotions have a direct correlation to sleep deprivation. You see, Eli's ear infections are not "typical." He indeed has fluid on his ears which have cause bacteria to fester. Simple enough. However in his case, antibiotics temporarily control the bacteria, but with the fluid not draining properly it grows back within a matter of days. With this pattern persisting over a several month period the bacteria has become quite aggressive and is now resistant to antibiotics. In fact, Eli has had three sets of antibiotic shots with each series including three shots. That is nine shots total! This last series was (as I understand) a dosage equivalent to what an adult would need.

After seven months of pain for my baby, we have FINALLY been referred to an ENT. We go tomorrow for a consultation. Because the "mother hen" in me has had enough, I have decided that if a surgery is not scheduled during our appointment, I WILL drive STRAIGHT to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.

I know that I need to find my "sunshine face" and get over my pity party, but it's not that easy anymore. I am getting less sleep that I did when Eli was a newborn. So, in my delirium please let me throw a Hissy Fit.

*Note: Stop reading here if you have had enough of this Debbie Downer*

Who cares if this is a new month! Nothing has changed. It's another month of potential illness and a new opportunity for exhaustion to dominate. I hope not; I pray not, but this is my hissy fit.

Everyone told me things would get easier as Eli got older. Everyone told me that once he hit a year his ears would get better, everyone told me that the medicine would work. Well guess what? Everyone was wrong. Instead things have gotten harder, much harder! I am at the end of my rope. I have had enough!!! I want answers from doctors, I want my baby to feel better, I want sleep!!!

Ok, hissy fit over. On the positive side, we know the Great Physician! He will heal our son, he will give our doctors wisdom and he will give me and Eric strength. Another positive, sleep derivation is a cheap and quite effective form of birth control! Ha!

Thanks for letting me throw a much needed Hissy Fit!

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