This post is very important to me today, so I'm having a hard time knowing how to start it...just bare with me.
As you know, the past several months have been very trying for me. A new job, early mornings, and a sick baby have left me EXHAUSTED. I didn't realize how bad things were, until they started getting better.
This past week my best friend from college, Alex, and I started challenging one another with our spiritual lives. Every morning we have emailed the other about our quiet time the day prior. As we began this journey I felt the Lord calling me into a deeper relationship with him. As I explained to Alex, Jesus should be the Lover Of My Soul and no one else. This became even more convicting on Sunday when our pastor spoke about that exact same topic using Jacob and Rebeca as an example. It continued to stir in my heart until Monday morning when, on my way to work at the wonderful hour of 5am, the Holy Spirit showed me something.
When Eric and I were first dating, I would do anything to spend time with him. No matter how late it was or how exhausted I felt, I would make time for us. Yet, when it comes to spending time with my Heavenly Father, I am quick neither as eager nor as dedicated...STING!
As our relationship has grown, I have come to cherish communication with my husband. I don't go to him with a "wish list" for the day. No! I sit, I talk, I listen. Yet, when I go the the Lord in prayer it often resembles Aladdin and my three wishes. Sad, but true. News flash: God IS NOT a magic genie! He is the King Of Kings and The Lord Of Lords and he should be approached as such.
So this week I have been challenged in a whole new way from the Lord.
As I kissed Eric goodnight last night, I felt the Lord prompting me out of bed. I knew he wanted to talk with me, but I was tired; plus I had already had some "quite time" with him on my way to work and in the bath tub when I read my devotion book. I knew it was not sufficient, but it was efficient, something else I could check off of my "to do" list. Now, I know you're thinking, "Morgan, is that how you would approach your beloved?" I know, I know...NO!!
Anyhow, at 12:39 this morning Eli wakes up. I get him a sippy of water and put him back in bed, only he continues crying. As the sobs got louder it became clear that he was not going down without a fight. So, I get back up to calm him. Eric said I was acting like a crazy lady. Anyhow, he apparently had a bad dream because as soon as he calmed down, I was able to place him back in his bed, and he quickly drifted off to sleep.
Again, I felt the Lord calling me, so this time I accepted his invitation to talk. I went into the living room and sat in his presence. Right then and there he revealed a few things to me.
1. I knew I had been disobedient earlier that night for not taking time with him when he called. So, he was pursuing me in the middle of the night...where it hurts me the most. How could I place sleep above the King, especially when he has graciously given us an abundance of it here lately.
2. I had a choice to make. Either I could accept his invitation and recognize his desire to spend time with me, or I could complain. I am, as you well know, quick to become stressed when Eli doesn't sleep. That being said, I could have had a repeat of last Friday. My choice.
So, through sleepy, Spirit-filled eyes , I recognized my sin. My Lord was calling me into a relationship with him. Not the cookie cutter, Sunday school, check it off your "to do" list kind of relationship, but rather a deep intimate relationship with the Love of My Soul. I am so thankful for the interruption in my sleep because it taught me where my priorities should be, and it challenged me to rise above my temptation to complain about sleep deprivation and chose joy this new and wonderful morning.
The past few months have been the most challenging of my life, but as I recant this story today I have reminded of a verse.
" And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28
God had to put me through those hard, exhausting times to bring me to a place where I would wholly and completely lean on him. I am still not where I should be, but I am one step closer and looking forward to the new walk with him. I will be romances, captivated and challenged as I pursue this deeper, intimate relationship with the Lover Of My Soul!!