Thursday, October 7, 2010

Alive

I feel ALIVE today, for the first time in a really long time. Although this may seem odd to you, it's true. My senses are ALIVE! My eyes drinking up the splendor of God's creation, my ears hearing the sound of joy in my son's laughter, my hands touching and holding my best friend as we sleep at night, my mouth tasting the fruit of fall and my nose smelling the crispness of this new season.

My heart could burst at this moment because I am ALIVE!

I have just come through a season of change. Change so drastic, so rapid, so consuming that I lost myself. I forgot who I was, where I was going, what I stood for, what I wanted, WHO's I was. So, I started striving to find myself in work, in motherhood, in marriage. It all came up empty, and a part of me died.

That's because I was looking in all the wrong places. My identity is in the Lord, my hope, my future, my joy, my being!! Through it all I have prayed, I have pleaded, I have even studied, but I have never known the Lord this fully. After hitting rock bottom last month, my dear friend Alex and I started holding one another accountable for our quiet time.

As I began to study the Word Of God, something in me started to change. I became more joyous, more patient, more thirsty for knowledge. As I continue to walk with Him I find myself longing for more of him. So you can imagine my delight when I came across this verse today.

"You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable. I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! I wake up in the morning and they are still with me!" - Psalm 139:16-18

The God of the universe hears me, sees me, thinks about me! In Him and Him alone I am. I am a mother, wife, daughter, friend all because of him. In him I am forever and truly ALIVE!!

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