Skip to main content

A New Day

I'm going sappy on you today. The past two years have been the most challenging of my life which is gut wrenching to say because they should have been the happiest after welcoming a son into our lives. I want to be very clear about this. I love Eli more than I ever knew was humanly possible. He is among the greatest blessings the Lord has ever bestowed on me, and I stand in awe that after ten years of infertility and disease I was chosen to be his mother.

However, no amount of love could have prepared me for the reality of sleep deprivation. I am blessed to have a life so wonderful that sleep issues are my main concern, and although I feel guilty for being so wrapped up with this issue, I just am. I am fixated and obsessed with sleep or the lack thereof. It is undoubtedly a major stronghold in my life.

I walk a thin line battling depression with these sleepless episodes, and I have come into dangerous territory by being angry with God for my lack of sleep. Why would I question the one who graciously gave me so much?

I am so over it all! I'm moving on. I have had the council of several older and wiser women who encourage me to let go of that which I can not control. I admit right here and right now that I failed at my attempt to get Eli to sleep, BUT that doesn't not mean that I have failed as a mother. It's one thing in the big picture of Eli's life, and he will eventually sleep. Part of being wise is knowing when to move on, and that is exactly what I am doing. It is not an issue that is a behavioral problem, it is not hindering his knowledge of Christ, it is not worth another tear. My son is happy, healthy, beautiful and it's time to move on!

Part of this healing process and the point of this post, is the role Eric has played. Eric is the most patient person I have ever known. He is laid back and has a God-given ability to represent peace and serenity in our home. He is so wise in choosing his battles, and has shown me how to "let go." This situation is no different. As I have battled anxiety and depression over our sleepless nights, he has not. It used to make me madder than an old, wet hen but now I greatly respect his wisdom.

He understands that it's not as easy for me and is fine to let me rant and rave, sob and cry. He somehow knows when to intervene as he did Sunday night in staying up with Eli, so I could rest. He really is such a rock.

I will never understand his ability to ignore a messy room, yet it amazes me that he can get the bathtubs and kitchen cleaner than could ever possibly manage. I'll never understand how he can step over a pile of laundry without flinching but iron the best looking shirts I've seen. Don't you see, he gets it!! He knows that a pile of laundry and a messy room are less important than spending time with me and Eli. It's not that he doesn't want to fix them, because he can and will. It's that he makes other things a priority. I admire that wisdom more than I despise a messy room...ha!

The point is Eric is so wise and so faithful in serving our God. I love that he's never judged my meltdowns and doesn't think I'm crazy when I'm sobbing my eyes out. I love that despite his patience with my meltdowns, he doesn't baby me. It's like he's thinking, "I'll let her have her moment, but I won't reward it with unnecessary attention." HA! Sounds like my approach at temper-tantrums with Eli.

I could go on for days telling you how wonderful my husband is, but I'll stop here and say that without him I would have gone mad these two years. Because of his Godly example and wise leadership in our family, I am ready to move on. He is the one God so wisely chose for me, and I just want to thank him for letting me have my moments and for helping me move on.

Here to a new day!!


Popular posts from this blog

A New Decade

Happy 2020, everyone!  I know I'm a month and a half behind, but ya'll, January was brutal!  Not brutal in a tragic kind of way but in a "life will wear you out" kind of way. It started off with the flu...times three!  Eric, Ellie and I had Flu B and missed the first week back to school and work.  Then Eli was diagnosed with Flu A two weeks later.  Thankfully, my in-laws stepped in to help so that we didn't have to miss any more time at work. On top of the sickness, we listed our house for sale. The work it takes getting ready for market is just crazy. But we also have people coming in and out of our home at all hours and it's just kinda overwhelming. Plus, we are finalizing everything with the builder. In full transparency, working with the builder has been the easiest part! Maybe I'll do a little update on the whole building process later this week.  Now that the dust has settled on 2020, I'm going to try my very hardest to keep this litt

Mother's Day Memories

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day.  I want to start by saying that my heart and prayers go out to the "Mommies in Waiting" and to those who are missing their Momma on this special day.  You are not forgotten. We started Mother's Day at church with our crew, and we were lucky enough to be in the nursery.  We let Eli tag along, and he helped facility "Derby Races" around the table while the kids were on riding toys.  It was a hoot!  We also made cards for the mommies. We had some leftovers at home for lunch and then I spent some time laying out while Eric worked on the pool.  It was almost 90 degrees and the perfect way to relax on my special day! Eric made me a shrimp boil for dinner, and we took a family trip to Dairy Queen.  They also have presents coming later this week for me.  Basically, they are awesome!

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Have I ever told you that Eli loves sports?  Ha!  I look back at him with baseballs and basketballs at 18 months old ,and it blows my mind that he's still so interested.   The thing is, he doesn't discriminate.  Baseball, basketball, football, name it, we play it! Not only do we play sports all day, we also have to watch certain videos on Youtube.   We watch "Boys of Fall," while wearing a football helmet. We watch Alabama's "Cheap Seats,"  John Fogerty's"Centerfield," and Kenny Rogers,  "The Greatest" while holding a bat, carrying a ball, and wearing a batting helmet. And now, thanks to Space Jam, we have to listen to the movie sound track while shooting hoops!  That's a blast from the past! He hasn't found a song about soccer or golf...YET! And with all that playing, who has time to run inside for a potty break?  Not this boy! I never thought