With Spring finally upon us life is budding all around. It's in the blooming landscape of trees, flowers, and bushes. It's stumbling in fields of farmland as precious livestock draw their first breaths and take their first steps. Life is budding in the wombs of my many close friends who await the birth of their beautiful babies, and it's in the eyes of my two year old child as he takes in the world around him with a excited awareness.
This new season brings a fresh hope and offers an opportunity to reflect on the past. It perplexes me how four years have gone by since graduating college. It seems like just yesterday, I was attending classes, hanging out with girlfriends and planning a wedding. Four years ago I was full of anticipation as I dreamed about the life ahead of me; becoming a wife, starting a career, building a home.
Four years ago seems so short, yet it was a lifetime ago. No longer am I that dreaming, naive college student. I have been through seasons and endured personal trials that have refined me in ways I never imagined possible. Since graduating I have changed career paths three times, become a wife, birthed a son, bought a home, overcome depression, said good-bye to my childhood home, and seen my dad at death's door.
Through it all, Christ has been my Rock. He as rejoiced with me in the good times, walked with me through the bad, comforted me through the terrifying, and sustained me through every breath.
Like any season of growth, there has been pain. When I reflect on, them they seemingly took many disguises: fear, low self-esteem, exhaustion, and uncertainty to name a few. I could write a book on identity crisis in motherhood, scheduling, balancing time, marital changes, and depression. However, the Lord has shown me the root of that pain has been due, in large part, to my inability to let go.
I've had to let go of the idea of having the perfect house and have instead embraced the notion of creating that home over a lifetime - filling it with memories and love rather than furnishings and things.
I've had to let go of the idea of organization and routine. I grew up in a highly scheduled and insanely "together home." I desperately wanted to model that for my family, but you know what? That's not the way we role in the Watson home. I hate cooking so we eat one dish meals. I work full time, so my house is neat but cluttered. My closets are messy and my laundry is never completely done. But you what? I had to let go and realize that for us, that's just the way it's going to be for a while.
I've had to accept that sleeping is a necessity and not a training technique. The world will not end if I crawl in bed with my screaming toddler at 3:00 am. He is still a normal, functioning child who may never sleep through the night, but will learn to stay alone in his room at some point.
I've had to swallow my pride and accept that I will probably never fit back into my Miss Kentucky dresses. I simply don't have the time or money spend on beauty treatments. There are other priorities in my life right now. What I do have are two capable legs and a pair of running shoes which get me on the treadmill 30 minutes each day. It's not a total fitness workout or the body I want, but it's all I can do at this point in my life.
I have learned that there will be days I feel overworked and under appreciated, days I spend more time wiping runny noses than talking to my husband, and nights I fall asleep long before he comes to bed. And none of that matters. What matters is that our love has grown into respect, something far more precious than the rush of early romance. One day we'll sit in our rocking chairs ALONE, and relish in the warm memories and insane laughter of this season of our relationship.
In a nutshell, I'm learning to let go. The plans I make will at some point fall through. The tears I cry will one day be seen as a lesson, and the dreams in my heart will only come true if God himself places them there and directs my steps.
I don't know if you're an old Momma, a new Momma, a soon-to-be Momma, or not a Momma, but what I do know is that no matter what you are facing today, you can take it to the foot of the cross, and let it go. Just let it go, because this season will pass. It will give way to the warmth of summer, the harvest of fall and the stillness of winter, but no matter what season you're walking through our Savior is there to carry your burdens, all you have to do is let go.
This is an incredibly beautiful post, Morgan. Maybe my all time favorite. Thank you so much for these thoughts, written so honestly and eloquently.ReplyDelete
Love this post!!! Thanks for sharing. I can relate!ReplyDelete