Well, tomorrow is the big day...the one when we find out who is joining our family. Lord willing this child will cooperate and show his/her "goodies." Ha!
Before we jump into this little shabang, I have to ask you not to tell our parents. Neither set frequent this blog, so I feel fairly safe that they won't find out, but if you know them...please keep quiet. It's a surprise. How cool will it be when we randomly call tomorrow morning to announce the gender?!
I didn't have this blog when I was pregnant with Eli, so I couldn't document my thoughts or feelings on gender. I want to remember everything this time around, so I'm going to be perfectly honest.
I want a girl... desperately. I love the idea of Texas size bows, frilly dresses and tea parties. I love the idea of having a room that looks like pink threw up. I love the idea of raising both a daughter and a son.
That being said, I'm also in love with the idea of having two sons...best friends. I love the idea of camping trips, little league games, and rowdy outings. It's a privilege to raise a son, and I would be honored if the Lord entrusts me with another.
Eric doesn't care either way, but Eli. Eli wants a boy. When you ask him what the baby is, he always says, " a girl, Ellie, " but then he follows it up with, "I be mad with girl. Eli want boy." Ha!
It's at this point I always ask him who really gets to choose. He always says, "Me!" Of course I correct him and tell him to try again. To this he blows a long, exasperated breath and says.. "Jesus." Ha! We are working on the whole submission thing, but really who isn't?
So what about me? What do I think? It's weird because from the time Eli was born I have said that we'll have two boys. Up until the day I got a positive test, I believed with all my heart I would raise two sons. But that all changed the second I saw two pink lines. In that moment I "knew" it was girl.
In fact, the first time Eric suggested it could be a boy I cried; not because I didn't want a boy, but I felt like I had lost a child...a daughter I had already bonded with. Sounds crazy, but it's true.
So, that night I started asking God to give me a knowing in my spirit and to tender my heart toward the gender that he would bless us with. He has a plan for this child, and maybe a girl doesn't fit into that plan. Who am I to ask for my will over his?
So as a faithful and mighty God, he gave me a desire for both a daughter and a son. I can honestly see it going either way, and I am in love with the idea of either. I'm at a place today that I wasn't a month ago. I can honestly say that I want a healthy baby, and gender isn't a big deal to me anymore. I have been chosen to mother Eli and this new baby. God is trusting me to Shepard their hearts and to teach them about their Creator and King. Frilly dresses and big bows won't have any role in that. And so I am eager to raise t his child, this Ellie or Easton, because it's all for the Glory Of Christ.
Although it doesn't matter one way or the other, deep down in my heart, I predict... a girl.