Friday, June 21, 2013

Dear Miss Kentucky Contestant

Dear Miss Kentucky Contestant (s),

You probably don't know me, and that's okay because my glory days are over, although I'm not sure they were ever here.  Anyway, my name is Morgan Watson, formerly, Morgan White.  I competed in Miss Kentucky twice.  The years aren't important, but if you're really good with your pageant trivia I'll tell you that Maria Maldonado and Kaitlynne Postel won the years I was there.  Okay, moving on....

I was sitting on my couch at three this morning, feeding my baby and scrolling through Facebook when I saw your tan, shiny, skinny faces smiling back at me. With greasy hair, spit up stained jammies, and baggy, sleepy eyes,  I clicked on the link in which your pretty little head-shots were attached, and it appears you'll be checking into the dorms this weekend for Miss Kentucky festivities.  Good for you!  Really.  What an exciting time in your lives.

Of course I couldn't help but take a trip down memory lane.  I would like to share with you a few things I have learned since those pageants days of mine.

1. Elmer's Adhesive Spray Has More Than One Use:  I know, crazy!!  We've all used it for butt spray to keep our swimsuits in place.  Of course this is after years of experience and realizing that it works much better than the roll on brands you buy in pageant boutiques.  Sorry store owners, I'm not trying to steal sales, I'm just keeping it real.  Anyway, not only does this glue work at preventing wardrobe malfunctions, it will come in useful later in life when  you need to fix a favorite toy for your kiddos-so keep it handy.

2. Baby Wipes Were Actually Meant For Babies:  STOP. THE WORLD.  This one shocked me.  I mean we all know that after swimsuit competition comes talent or evening gown, so we have to get that glue off somehow.  Naturally, baby wipes are a great option for the fast costume changes.  Only there's a whole other world out there where mommies use them to clean up dirty little tushes.  Actually, mommies use them to clean up all kinds of things, but baby butts are usually top on the list.

3.  Band Aids Are Used For More Than Feet Blisters:  Any good pageant sister will tell you that after a week of rehearsals and appearances, your feet will be swollen, blistered and sore.  I mean, you can only stand in five inch stilettos for so long.  Of course Band Aids will become your best friends during moments like this.  Did you know that they're also good outside the pageant world?  That's right! Dr, Mom uses them for both big and small boo boos...they're great!

4. Vaseline Also Has Multiple Uses: I know your favorite dry mouth trick is to keep your teeth waxed with this little product so that your lips don't stick to them.  While were talking about lips, isn't it horribly painful and insanely distracting when they start to quiver from smiling too long?  Ugh!  Anyway, Vaseline not only helps with this problem, it also aids in taking a rectal temperature in a newborn baby.  Please, don't be grossed out.  I promise, one day that little baby tush will be as beautiful to your Mommy eyes as that designer dress you're wearing now.

In all honesty ladies, I hope you have the time of your lives this week.  I hope you stay up way too late, gorge yourself on the free fruit (and other food), act silly, take zillions of pictures, and make memories that will last forever.  Because one day, if you're really lucky you'll trade those crowns and designer dresses for sleepless nights and larger jeans.  You'll learn that glue, baby wipes, band aids, Vaseline have a bigger purpose beyond the dressing room.  Above all, I hope you realize that no matter the outcome of the week, you are truly beautiful, talented, intelligent and special young ladies.

And no matter how gorgeous you may look in that crown, it will pale in comparison to how completely stunning and show stopping your future children will be! Best of luck to you all!

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