Wednesday, June 5, 2013

That Awkward Moment When...

So, yesterday I had one of those totally, horrible, awkward moments when you wonder how in the name of Betsy  you've survived a quarter of a century on this planet, and further more, how on earth you've been entrusted with raising two little humans.

Last Friday I got one of those automated calls from the doctor's office reminding me of an appointment.  Can I stop right there and give a big, enthusiastic shout out to the now billionaire who's little invention has saved me from missing a few dozen doctor's appointments in my day.  I imagine the now laughing billionaire is a mom who once missed an important appointment and now wants to save other mommas the hassle of having to wait six months for the doctor to have another opening or from having to make up an illness to get a "sick visit."  Not that I've ever done that.  She's also probably used her new found fortune to trade in the minivan for a tricked out Escalade and has hired both a personal assistant and secretary to make sure she never misses another thing again...just sayin'.

Moving on...I got that sweet little automated call and was thankful for the reminder, but I could not for the life of me remember making a postpartum appointment with my OBGYN.  Nonetheless, Ellie turned three months old yesterday, so I assumed it was something routine to follow up on the c-section.

You can imagine my surprise when the nurse told me to undress and handed me a gown before exiting the room.  Still, I was convinced I was there for a regular post baby visit.  I was wearing a dress, so I assumed the nurse didn't want to embarrass me by having me hike it up over my head to display my c-section scar.  I was grateful too because all I had on under that bad boy was a pair of "hide the post baby flab" Spanx.  Let's stop right here and give another shout out to the inventor of Spanx!!!

So, I undressed from the waist down and took my perch upon that exam table completely unprepared for what was about to happen.  A short moment later my doctor (who I interview on television case this couldn't possibly be any more uncomfortable)  walked in and casually ask me to scoot my bottom to the end of the table.  EXCUSE ME!!!

Ya'll, it was an annual pelvic exam!!  Dear Heavens, I have never been so grateful to have bathed and showered in my life.  I mean let's face it, sometimes thirty extra minutes of sleep trumps a morning shower.  You know what I mean?  Thank goodness yesterday was not one of those days.

Would you believe me if I told you I tried to get out of it? I'm serious.  I tried to act like we had talked about postponing the visit until this fall.  Can you say, "awkward???"

What a horrible, awful surprise!!  You think your going in for a routine exam to check a surgery scar..then HELLO!!!

So, the next time you are sitting there dreading your yearly exam, just be thankful that you're mentally prepared for what's about to happen, because this gal sure wasn't!!!  Oh and if you're ever in doubt about why that little automated appointment reminder came, do yourself a favor and call back to ask.

 You'll thank me for that advice one day!!

1 comment:

  1. Hahahaha. Unless they're revealing the gender of your child, OB office surprises are never good. :)