I read a quote a few weeks ago that really cut me right to
the core. It said, “The days are long,
but the years are short.” No matter what season of motherhood you may be in,
I’m sure you can relate, myself especially.
Today I looked down at the calendar and realized that in
less than three weeks my precious boy will be entering kindergarten, but I’m
not ready.
I’m not ready for that first monumental step toward
independence. It may disguise itself as
a walk down the school hallway, but deep in my heart I know it’s the beginning
of a mother’s plait…her journey of letting go….but I’m not ready.
I’m not ready to let go.
Please, don’t get me wrong. I look
forward to fall festivals, Christmas plays, field-trips and all the memories
awaiting our family in this new season.
I’m just not ready to let go of this version of Eli and the wonder
and magic that comes from the dirty-faced, baseball-lovin’ adventure-seeking
preschool Eli.
I’m not ready to let go because next time it won’t be
Kindergarten. These little milestones
will keep coming, and they’ll only get bigger.
I’ll blink and he’ll be driving, dating, graduating and walking down the
isle – each step taking him further and further away from that no-sleeping baby
I once held so tenderly.
Nothing will change with our routine. Since he was weeks old, we’ve been
apart. It’s part of being a working
mom. He’ll get up at the same time. He’ll get home at the same time. He’ll go to bed at the same time. Nothing will change…but everything will
change because I’m not taking him to daycare.
I’m taking him to school where he’ll learn and grow and gain the skills
he needs to eventually spread his wings and fly.
August sixth is coming, and I’m not ready. But like the generations of mothers before
me, I will take a deep breath, muster the bravest smile can I find, and with
tears in my eyes, I’ll cheer as he flies…even if I’m not ready.
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