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But I'm Not Ready...

I read a quote a few weeks ago that really cut me right to the core.  It said, “The days are long, but the years are short.” No matter what season of motherhood you may be in, I’m sure you can relate, myself especially. 

Today I looked down at the calendar and realized that in less than three weeks my precious boy will be entering kindergarten, but I’m not ready.

I’m not ready for that first monumental step toward independence.  It may disguise itself as a walk down the school hallway, but deep in my heart I know it’s the beginning of a mother’s plait…her journey of letting go….but I’m not ready.

I’m not ready to let go.  Please, don’t get me wrong.  I look forward to fall festivals, Christmas plays, field-trips and all the memories awaiting our family in this new season.  I’m just not ready to let go of this version of Eli and the wonder and magic that comes from the dirty-faced, baseball-lovin’ adventure-seeking preschool Eli.

I’m not ready to let go because next time it won’t be Kindergarten.  These little milestones will keep coming, and they’ll only get bigger.  I’ll blink and he’ll be driving, dating, graduating and walking down the isle – each step taking him further and further away from that no-sleeping baby I once held so tenderly.

Nothing will change with our routine.  Since he was weeks old, we’ve been apart.  It’s part of being a working mom.  He’ll get up at the same time.  He’ll get home at the same time.  He’ll go to bed at the same time.  Nothing will change…but everything will change because I’m not taking him to daycare.  I’m taking him to school where he’ll learn and grow and gain the skills he needs to eventually spread his wings and fly.

August sixth is coming, and I’m not ready.  But like the generations of mothers before me, I will take a deep breath, muster the bravest smile can I find, and with tears in my eyes, I’ll cheer as he flies…even if I’m not ready.


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