Monday, January 11, 2021

Letting Go of Yesterday






It's hard to believe but somehow we muddled our way through 2020.  I think most of us are little road weary, nursing our wounds, counting our casualties and rallying what's left of our resolve as we head into the new year.

I'll admit that while I have no have no room for complaint, this past year has been emotionally draining for me.  My family is healthy and thriving.  We're blessed to have our jobs, a new home, and so many adventures under our belts. Yet, there's been a heaviness that we can't seem to escape -fear, uncertainty, a sense of loss, a burden for those experiencing so many hardships.

I once heard a saying something along the lines of, "Anyone can handle a crisis but it's every day life that's the hardest."

I have found that to be true this past year. It's getting up every day and trying to explain to a tween boy why he can't hang out with his friends or why the sports season was canceled.

It's watching your daughter cry buckets of tears on her Zoom meeting because she misses her classmates so much.

It's missing birthdays, holidays, and family celebrations thinking that by the time the next event comes along things will be back to normal...then staring disappointment in the face when "normal" never comes.

It's looking at pictures of "this time last year" and grieving the loss of innocence and of simpler times. And grief is what it all boils down to for me. Things will never be exactly as they were pre-pandemic. Covid changed our world,  and if we're being honest, it changed us too.

That's what is so sacred about our breaking and our undoing.  As we rebuild, we get to choose what we carry with us into our new normal. I'm trying to choose wisely.  Will I continue to grieve what was lost or will I focus on what I've gained?

2020 was hard. For me, it was hard in a "daily living" kind of way.  There was fear and worry and pain.  Tempers flared and tears flow.  Disappointments knocked us down time and time again...and again.  But we kept getting up, and showing, and looking up. We kept loving and forgiving.  We kept putting one foot in front of the other and we never stopped believing that someday everything little thing is gonna be alright.  2020 was hard but I'm choosing to believe that we are all better for the wear. 

The things that "could have been" or "should have been" are no more. We've lost so much,  and we need to cry those tears and grieve those losses.  Then we need to take a our next step of the journey by letting go of yesterday and embracing the blessings of today.

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